In What We Dwell - ver.1

In what we dwell

To those who will read this: please, do not be surprised, shocked, amazed or disturbed by this good slosh of words that follow. It is written in modern form which means it uses associative technique including the drift of conscience. You, dear reader, will probably think it is plain Irish, senseless but that is the whole point of it. Nothing can change it. Now read it, pay attention to what you read and think about it. You may just realize how right I am.

Anarchy.

Complete, total anarchy.

That is what I want, what I believe in, in what I trust. Hate the phrase: “In god we trust. In god we believe”. Hate the people. Hate the trees hate the plants… hate the world. All the history of the world is on its scales. All the people. All the actions. We are all just little pictures in the scales. We are plastic soldiers in a miniature dirt war.
Why anarchy? Take a look at this effete world you dwell in today. What do you see? A bunch of people pretending to know what their sense of life is. What life is. I pray thee not to choose the path of a human. Stop living senseless lives of which you know none. It is written in your destiny you shall die. That is the sense of living – live to die. Whether you fancy it or not, I cannot tell. If not, change it. How? That’s up to thee.
Jim believed in democracy – there shouldn’t be a president. Total democracy. But you’ve seen this happening thru and thru. Never changing, everlasting. The problem here is shown: every single human being wants to rule, conquer, dominate the world. Wants to be almighty, powerful. I’m being stabbed. By a fucking pen. With a sharp or flat end. Doesn’t matter. It hurts so bad, it sets you free. A cell phone is used now. Pain, pain, pain. What?!? Stabbed pen. Feelings: none. Try giving a birth. Can’t? Shame. You will never know what does pain or hurt mean.
Enlighten me. Is it just me or am I not alone, who shares an opinion about buses and rides in general. In several countries, especially in the States, public transport in used normally by socially endangered people. Back there in my home town it’s a little different. I’m starting to realize, I have proper rights to feel the anxiety and to taste fear. l'm gonna kiss the snake on the tongue. Kiss the serpent. But if it senses fear… it’ll eat us instantly. But if we kiss it without fear… it'll take us through the garden. Through the gate. To the other side.
But why all this concern and terror and horror? If you really want to know, pay a visit to the northern country of ex-Yugoslavia. Now you know the answer. Still doesn’t ring any bells? Then pray the god to help thee. For fuck sake!! Why the fuck “god”. What is “god”, who invented it, who made it up? I don’t have a clue. I do not even care. “God” is maybe something at which regular people see the explanation for the unknown…
Now I failed… Of course. What did I expect. What was I thinking. J’e ne sais pas. It never happens – something good. Save one thing. She happened. Everything changed on that day. She brought light into the dark, cold world, in which I feel hated and unwanted even more than a spider in a relationship to an arachnophobe. The one and only thing that still keeps me between the living dead. Now I shall use one rotting and overused phrase: god knows what could’ve happened without the Light. It might have been death. Her eyes are blue going on light grey. Cannot move my eyes form hers. I have realized just about now how very, very much I adore her. No! That can be interpreted as me being obsessive and perverse. I like her very much – that will do. Never could have thought something like that was even possible for me to happen. Now I am happy. Oh my god… that sounds wicked… really… Who cares. And yet if there are people who disagrees with my… well, with me being with someone like that, I can only say – nothing. Don’t care what everybody thinks about me. I am not even slightly interested. Let them be. After all, I have always been, I am, and I will always be a damn, bloody ficus.
I thought finding someone who actually likes me will simply change that. I was wrong. Even though things turned on a little bit better side, I am still perfectly locked inside my self. Instead of oneness I feel isolation. At least I know I am alive – hopefully. Maybe if I spent all the time with her… I do not know. Doorgh… Bloody sentimental and emotive confessions. If somebody would listen to me, it can be heard I tend not to use the L word. I avoid using it. Simply because I do not know what the definition is. What does love mean? Well, it can be explained as a word said and used by people when they are horny. Ahh, people…
My only friend, who luckily cannot be heard nor seen by an average, wretched, fatuous and preposterous everyman, asked me why on Earth I hate people so much. All I can think of is only a couple of things. They are boring. All they ever do is shite. Besides living restless and stressful lives, they shit. Constantly repetitive patterns and habits.
Crikey! I am falling… The floor, the ground has disappeared. Only an enormous Black Hole below. Maybe I was too harsh. Maybe the lord wants to speak to me. Sweating. Oozing. Down and down. Cannot see the end.

What was that? I do not know. It was only a dream. I think I shat my pants. That was horrible. Merely hope I will never be able to experience something like that. I better stop insulting and criticizing everything that falls under may reach of sight. I better stop think about everything as being so contrasty, like black and white. Maybe I should start using my up till now probably never used rod cells. I am off now. Have to change my pants.