In What We Dwell - ver.1

In what we dwell

To those who will read this: please, do not be surprised, shocked, amazed or disturbed by this good slosh of words that follow. It is written in modern form which means it uses associative technique including the drift of conscience. You, dear reader, will probably think it is plain Irish, senseless but that is the whole point of it. Nothing can change it. Now read it, pay attention to what you read and think about it. You may just realize how right I am.

Anarchy.

Complete, total anarchy.

That is what I want, what I believe in, in what I trust. Hate the phrase: “In god we trust. In god we believe”. Hate the people. Hate the trees hate the plants… hate the world. All the history of the world is on its scales. All the people. All the actions. We are all just little pictures in the scales. We are plastic soldiers in a miniature dirt war.
Why anarchy? Take a look at this effete world you dwell in today. What do you see? A bunch of people pretending to know what their sense of life is. What life is. I pray thee not to choose the path of a human. Stop living senseless lives of which you know none. It is written in your destiny you shall die. That is the sense of living – live to die. Whether you fancy it or not, I cannot tell. If not, change it. How? That’s up to thee.
Jim believed in democracy – there shouldn’t be a president. Total democracy. But you’ve seen this happening thru and thru. Never changing, everlasting. The problem here is shown: every single human being wants to rule, conquer, dominate the world. Wants to be almighty, powerful. I’m being stabbed. By a fucking pen. With a sharp or flat end. Doesn’t matter. It hurts so bad, it sets you free. A cell phone is used now. Pain, pain, pain. What?!? Stabbed pen. Feelings: none. Try giving a birth. Can’t? Shame. You will never know what does pain or hurt mean.
Enlighten me. Is it just me or am I not alone, who shares an opinion about buses and rides in general. In several countries, especially in the States, public transport in used normally by socially endangered people. Back there in my home town it’s a little different. I’m starting to realize, I have proper rights to feel the anxiety and to taste fear. l'm gonna kiss the snake on the tongue. Kiss the serpent. But if it senses fear… it’ll eat us instantly. But if we kiss it without fear… it'll take us through the garden. Through the gate. To the other side.
But why all this concern and terror and horror? If you really want to know, pay a visit to the northern country of ex-Yugoslavia. Now you know the answer. Still doesn’t ring any bells? Then pray the god to help thee. For fuck sake!! Why the fuck “god”. What is “god”, who invented it, who made it up? I don’t have a clue. I do not even care. “God” is maybe something at which regular people see the explanation for the unknown…
Now I failed… Of course. What did I expect. What was I thinking. J’e ne sais pas. It never happens – something good. Save one thing. She happened. Everything changed on that day. She brought light into the dark, cold world, in which I feel hated and unwanted even more than a spider in a relationship to an arachnophobe. The one and only thing that still keeps me between the living dead. Now I shall use one rotting and overused phrase: god knows what could’ve happened without the Light. It might have been death. Her eyes are blue going on light grey. Cannot move my eyes form hers. I have realized just about now how very, very much I adore her. No! That can be interpreted as me being obsessive and perverse. I like her very much – that will do. Never could have thought something like that was even possible for me to happen. Now I am happy. Oh my god… that sounds wicked… really… Who cares. And yet if there are people who disagrees with my… well, with me being with someone like that, I can only say – nothing. Don’t care what everybody thinks about me. I am not even slightly interested. Let them be. After all, I have always been, I am, and I will always be a damn, bloody ficus.
I thought finding someone who actually likes me will simply change that. I was wrong. Even though things turned on a little bit better side, I am still perfectly locked inside my self. Instead of oneness I feel isolation. At least I know I am alive – hopefully. Maybe if I spent all the time with her… I do not know. Doorgh… Bloody sentimental and emotive confessions. If somebody would listen to me, it can be heard I tend not to use the L word. I avoid using it. Simply because I do not know what the definition is. What does love mean? Well, it can be explained as a word said and used by people when they are horny. Ahh, people…
My only friend, who luckily cannot be heard nor seen by an average, wretched, fatuous and preposterous everyman, asked me why on Earth I hate people so much. All I can think of is only a couple of things. They are boring. All they ever do is shite. Besides living restless and stressful lives, they shit. Constantly repetitive patterns and habits.
Crikey! I am falling… The floor, the ground has disappeared. Only an enormous Black Hole below. Maybe I was too harsh. Maybe the lord wants to speak to me. Sweating. Oozing. Down and down. Cannot see the end.

What was that? I do not know. It was only a dream. I think I shat my pants. That was horrible. Merely hope I will never be able to experience something like that. I better stop insulting and criticizing everything that falls under may reach of sight. I better stop think about everything as being so contrasty, like black and white. Maybe I should start using my up till now probably never used rod cells. I am off now. Have to change my pants.

Kaj me boli kurac za ljudi okoli mene [Day 1]

»Kaj najbolj sovražiš?« me je vprašal prijatelj, ki je pravzaprav edini, v kolikor jih premorem. »Ljudi...« sem zamomljal.
»Kaj?«
»Čaj?«
»Kaj ima pa čaj veze z mojim vprašanjem?«
»Ali bi morala obstajati kakšna povezava?«
»Ali bi nehal odgovarjati na moje vprašanje z novim vprašanjem...«
»Ampak, čemu? Ali ne omogoča to veliko bolj zabavne komunikacije. Tako ali tako pa ljudje premalo komuniciramo... No ja, sicer pa mi prav nič ne manjka...«
»ZAKAJ SOVRAŽIŠ LJUDI?«
»Pazi, no na moje zvočne membrane, nahajajoče se v srednjem ušesu...«
»JEBI SE! Prav na kurac mi greš s takšnimi izjavami. Vedno moraš vse v najmanjše detajle opisat.«
»Imaš kaj proti takemu početju?«
»DA! Si se kdaj vprašal, če je SPLOH komu všeč? Mislim, da ne. Če še meni ni. Meni, ki je tvoj edini up. Sem zadnji na... Sem pač zadnji, ki te je pripravljen poslušat in na sploh gledat. Ahh, zakaj te to sprašujem, če pa vem odgovor že v naprej...«
»In to je?«
»... Čakaj, razmišljam...«
»O?«
»O tem, kakšno frazo bi uporabil, da ne bi zgledala banalna, izumetničena, afektirana, manirirana, koturna, preciozna, priskutna...«
»Pa koji kurec... A sedaj si pa že slovar ratal, ali kaj?«
»No ja, ne da bi se hvalil, ampak...«
»Ne sili se! Samo povej že, ker mi greš na žolč izločajoči organ!«
»Uau, ta ni slaba...«
»Vem. Spravi že to iz sebe.«
»Skratka. Popolnoma vseeno ti je kaj si ljudje mislijo. Na... pač grejo ti na tiso, kar si omenil. Karkoli je že bilo. Nima veze.«
»Saj nič nima veze...«
»Nič je nič. Definiraj najprej kaj je ta nič po tvoje...«
»Ne bodi kot jaz in se ne spotikaj ob vsako, ravnokar izrečeno sogovorčevo besedo!«
»Prav. Se bom potrudil. LoL«
»ZBIJ SI TA TVOJ GLUP NASMEŠEK Z OBRAZA, ki ti sega do ušes. In nehaj uporabljati 1 3 3 7, amm 5 P 3, amm, 4 K.«
»Huh?«
»Never mind...«

»Bom prvi prekinil to neprijetno tišino. Skratka, kje sva ostala? Aha, ravno si mi hotel povedati zakaj sovražiš ljudi.«
»Ker so dolgočasni.«
»Elaboriraj.«
»...Čakaj, da razmislim...«
»Ne me sedaj zajebavat!«
»Tiho bodi. Te bom razsvetlil.«
»No...?«
»Ljudje so najmanj vredna vrsta. Kar poglej jih.«
»Jih gledam...«
»To je resna stvar!«
»Aha. Nadaljuj...«
»Vse kar počnejo je to, da serjejo. Nič drugega, za razliko od drugih živalskih in rastlinskih vrst, ki dejansko počnejo kaj zanimivega in zanje upo...«
»Dejansko?!?«
»...rabnega. Kaj zdaj spet?«
»Oprosti, samo ne vem kateri del stavka naj bi bil zanimiv. Kar nadaljuj.«
»Čakaj. Tiho bodi. Nekdo prihaja. Mislim, da mamica in bo spet zatežila s kakim šrinkom, ker bo mislila, da se spet pogovarjam sam s seboj. Jutri nadaljujeva.«

***

Favourite part of the world

Favourite part of the world

There are many places, hidden and untouched parts of the world. Places wherea human being has not yet set his hands free, let them overrun the nature. Maybe these are my favourite. I will try to elaborate on that, if you will.

The human society is pretty much boring. Everything looks the same. Well, there may be some differences after all, but it still does not change the fact. The world is becoming more and more colonized by one big crapy culture. Due to globalization mankind is losing its power. No matter where you go, you will be able to draw some parallel lines between randomly selected places. The differences are fading. Formerly separated countries have now, let me say, united into one “thing” – nature killer.

However, there are still some places that set you free. Trees and bushes all around you. No civilization, no buildings, no vehicles, no streets… no people. Unfortunately, these parts are not so common as I would have wished them to be. Rain forest or dessert to live free for at least a day. I was in a dessert once, myself. I felt the universe functioning perfectly. But I was still perfectly locked inside myself. Instead of oneness, I felt isolation. At that time I knew I was alive. I could feel it. Not like in enormous towns, in which all I felt was pressure an loneliness pushing me down to the ground. Un able to breath or just simply – dwell. It is boring lives that we live. Wake up in the morning, go to work or school, get back and go to sleep. neverending, everlasting habit.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man needs and wants more and more. Always desperately in need of something. That is why every single tree is cut down, all the fresh lands destroyed. We need space. But why? Was it always like that? I think it just a result of spreading capitalism. Even Shakespeare thought that. There is a line of Juliet’s: “The more I give to thee, the more I have.” The more I invest, the more I get. But I’m not really in the mood to discuss that, so let us just leave it.

In conclusion, the untouched places are my favourite, just because I can be alone, far away from all the troubles in the dying world. And that is why I want to live in the loose palace of exile, far, far away. No one really knows what could have happened without those free and never trespassed lands. In my devouring consciousness they have always existed despite its digesting power. Not for sure, but it might have been death.